how to survive a shark attack

As always, summer is coming to Southern California much faster than it is to the rest of you suckers out there. And, while most of you view this as an awesome opportunity to stare down beautiful women who are wearing next-to-nothing at the beach, it only means one thing to me: shark attack time.

There’s something hardwired in my simple, simian brain that makes me fear the ocean – the vastness, the depth, the millions and millions of gallons of fish poop. Throw in the possibility of being attacked by a giant predatory fish that can smell my blood from miles away AND out maneuver me in the water? No thanks.

However, while I don’t know that it cured me of my galeophobia, I did happen to stumble across a post titled ‘How to Survive a Shark Attack‘ on the Art of Manliness blog today that made me feel a little better about my chances of dealing with a man-eating fish.

For those of you too lazy to read a well-written post, I’ll give you a few highlights here:

  • you will probably never get attacked by a shark
  • get out of the water if you see a shark
  • punch that thing in the gills

Sadly, I did an image search online to try and find a cool picture of a shark for this post and immediately forgot about all the good advice in the article when I saw this picture of a shark eating a Tyrannosaurus Rex.


So go on and enjoy your tanlines, skimpy bikinis, and sand. I’ll stick to just staring down the not-so-beautiful women at the apartment complex pool.