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scott pilgrim. [graphic content.]

By • On • In books, graphic content, nerd candy, scott • 2 min read

If you know me at all, you are probably aware that I love the English language enough that I never, ever use instant message speak. No ‘ty,’ ‘rotf,’ or ‘ttyl.’ You’ll never get even the occasional ‘lol’ or ‘brb.’ That is why what is about to happen is a big deal. And it is all because of Scott Pilgrim.

The in-game nerdspeak, the ‘pwned’ sort, just comes bubbling up at the sheer awesomeness Bryan Lee O’Malley has unleashed on the world.

Let’s pretend you can ask me what I’ve thought of the Scott Pilgrim series so far.

“Hey, Scott. How’s Scott Pilgrim so far?”

[*Head glowing from awesomeness*] OMGWTFBBQLASERS!!!

Scott Pilgrim is amazing! No, seriously. Listen. Well, read. IT. IS. AMAZING.

Epic!

The word ‘original’ has been around for a long time. As have the words ‘awesome, ‘hilarious,’ and ‘magicawonderfulnerdtastic.’ Okay, so I made the last word up, but if it was a word, it would apply to what I am saying. We have been using those words all this time without realizing that they were invented just so that someday there would be the proper adjectives to describe the Scott Pilgrim books.

They are so fucking good. My whole life has simply been biding time, waiting until the day when I finally read about the adventures of Mr. Pilgrim.

I know what you are thinking. “Hey Scott, c’mon. You use hyperbole all the time. They can’t really be that good.”

To that I can only respond with: Shut the hell up, dude. If you ever open your stupid, blasphemous face and talk about Scott Pilgrim that way again, I will come to your house and crack an egg of knowledge all over you.

Seriously. It’s like O’Malley took all the awesome, lame, wonderful parts of the average nerd’s brain, influenced by the fact that we are the first generation to grow up completely immersed in video games, and he created a world out of it. A world where things actually happen the way I pretend they happen in my mind.

If you ever wanted to Level Up for doing the right thing, or have a weapon that offers +2 against Vegans, or get EXP points for going to work, then this is the series of indie comics for you.

These books are absurd in the best way possible, surreal and delightful. There isn’t really a way to describe how different they are from any other graphic novel or comic book I’ve ever read. Sooo good.

I already couldn’t wait for the movie to come out this August. Now I think I might have to get a doctor to place me in a controlled coma to get me from now to Inception, and then from that until Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

I’m already mentally preparing for a trip to Toronto to make a (please forgive the pun) pilgrimage.

That glowing review, and so far I’ve only even read Vol. 1-4. I had no freaking idea that Volume 6: Scott Pilgrim’s Finest Hour wasn’t out  as a graphic novel yet. It doesn’t come out until JULY?!?!?!?!? Terrible. My heart aches for it. What was that I was saying about a coma? I need to check with my local hospital about that.

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wolverine: old man logan. [graphic content.]

By • On • In books, graphic content, nerd candy, scott • 1 min read

I love it when people take a well-known, fictional universe, and then imagine a dream or nightmare scenario that turns the whole thing on its head. When this sort of thing is done poorly, it rightfully draws the scorn of those who love said fictional universe. However, when it is done well it can be loads of fun.

This sort of thing happens most often in the wonderful world of comic books. The long-term, serial nature of comics makes them the best medium for asking, “Hey, what do you think would happen if [insert insane hypothetical situation]?” I have my own idea for a just such a situation, a whole story arc that imagines what Bruce Wayne would be like if his parents had lived. What would the ‘world’s greatest detective’ look like without all that misplaced rage, guilt and insane drive to repair what can’t be fixed. Yet, that is for another post.

One of the masters of the sort of imaginings mentioned above is Mr. Mark Millar. He brought us Superman: Red Son, wondering what the Man of Steel, and the world, would be like if Kal-El had landed in the U.S.S.R., instead of the United States. He brought us Civil War, in which the US government passes a law forcing all superheroes to present themselves for registration. Heroes take sides on the pro-reg and anti-reg sides, and all hell breaks loose.

Recently, thanks to the Seattle Public Library, I got my hands on a copy of the fairly recent, Wolverine: Old Man Logan. In this, we move two generations into the future. That is, two generations after the bad guys finally realized there are, like, 20 villains to every one superhero, joined together, and took over the world. We find Logan as a simple farmer and family man in California, or, what used to be California. He does nothing at all to set things right. Why? Well, you’ll just have to read the book to find out.

I can’t go into much more detail than that without ruining some enjoyable twists and plot developments. Suffice it to say, it’s a really fun read, albeit, a noticeably darker and more violent one than is often the case, provided by one of the best writers working today, tackling one of the best heroes comics has ever had to offer.

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rise of the nerd virgins.

By • On • In nerd candy, nerd virgins, scott • 3 min read

We’ve got a new series of posts starting, and I for one am pretty excited about them. The series will be called, ‘Nerd Virgins.’

I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not that kind of nerd virgin. We will be wasting no time discussing the idea that nerds tend to be socially awkward and thus have trouble with the opposite sex. No, these posts will be written from the perspective of people who have little to no conscious experience with geek culture, and are willing to give it a try and tell us about their experience. (And speaking of the word ‘geek,’ is anyone familiar with how the word went from referring to someone who bit the heads off of chickens at the carnival, to referring to someone who loves something much more than your average jane? If so, fill me in!)

I will be the knowing guide, carefully teaching these nerd virgins about the ways of the force. The first two guinea pigs who will be trying this out will be my wife Emily, and my best friend Brian.

Fortunately, this journey into nerd culture will be pretty a easy one. The divide between nerd culture and popular culture simply isn’t as clear as it once was. The list of the highest grossing films of all time is mostly filled with sci-fi, boy wizards, and superheroes. Lost is a widespread phenomenon. Jocks loved The Dark Knight just as much as anyone else. So, for Emily and Brian both (as well as anyone else who ends up writing for this series), they are already familiar with plenty of things that fall under the category of nerdom.

I think the primary difference between nerds and non-nerds is passion, attention to detail, and a vast knowledge of meaningless trivia which only helps us have fun conversations with other nerds. We are the ones mentioning where Chris Nolan borrowed from Frank Miller and Jeph Loeb. We are the ones rolling our eyes when someone asks if we have seen the “new trailer,” which we have not only seen, but have seen 13 times two months prior. We are the ones who can talk for hours about the smallest narrative minutia, and we love every minute of it.

That is why I will be the guide. I love film, books, comics, video games, and all that other shit enough that I would love to spend the rest of my life writing about it and showing other people how awesome it all is.

In case this blog so far hasn’t convinced you that I am a qualified nerd, let me give a bit of a resumé. I am certainly not king of the nerds, or anything like that. Yet, I think I can more than hold my own, certainly enough to fulfill my role for these posts. I own not one, but two different Lost t-shirts. I am currently in the midst of my second playthrough of Mass Effect II. At the moment, I have 19 graphic novels out from the library. I have spent a good portion of my life waiting on lines at movie theaters to see a movie opening night. I own Batman action figures that I purchased in my 20’s. There is an entire shelf in my house taken up by my comic books (it’s just above the shelf taken up entirely by my baseball cards). If that is not enough, feel free to email me and I can provide more proof, as well as plenty of references.

As far as our two writers are concerned, they are really just quasi-virgins. They are the teenage youth group, or Christian college, “everything but all the way,” type virgins. This won’t entirely be their first time, but it will the first time they have gone quite this far.

Brian already loves nerd culture much more than he realizes, he loved Kick-Ass, he is looking forward to Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (which is basically a feature length homage to nerdy awesomeness), he loves Wes Anderson (hipster nerds are still nerds), he enjoys the zombie genre, and he once whispered when he fell asleep on the couch that he would give anything to become Hank Pym, so he could spend the rest of his days on missions with The Avengers. Okay, so that last one isn’t true, but I still argue that for Brian this is more of an intervention to allow him to embrace his inner nerd than a true introduction to nerdom. Either way, I am honored to be a part of it. So far we have discussed him reading and/or watching Harry Potter, and watching Lost. Although, I am sure some comic books and video games will be included as well.

Emily is basically just interested in doing this to see what all my ranting and raving is about. What gets me so excited about all this stuff anyway? She will soon find out, for better or worse. She is going to start with comics and go from there.

So, anyway, I know I am going to enjoy this ride, wherever it takes us. Here’s to hoping you do too!

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astonishing x-men. [graphic content.]

By • On • In books, graphic content, nerd candy, scott • 3 min read

An open letter to Joss Whedon:

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Dear Mr. Whedon,

Hey, it’s me, Scott.

First off, I need to apologize. I’ve been an absentee fan.

We both remember how addicted I was to Buffy the Vampire Slayer back in my younger days. That was when I would have given anything to be a hilarious smart-ass like your characters were, especially Oz and Xander. Although, if I’m being honest, I would still give anything to be a hilarious smart-ass like your characters.

Those days my devotion to the fledgling Whedonverse was unswerving.

Spike was the first instance I can recall where a villain was my favorite character in a show or movie. Angel was the first spin-off show I actually watched. And damn was I glad when Cordelia went from the vapid bitch to the clueless heroine so that I didn’t have to feel bad for thinking she was so damned hot. Although, I was still in love with Willow, even after she came out of the closet and made it clear I didn’t have a chance.

I loved every minute of it all.

But then, something happened. Somehow, we drifted apart, and we both know it was all my fault.

I missed Firefly and Serenity until 2009… 2009, Joss!! What’s wrong with me? I can’t really explain my actions because I don’t understand them myself. I’m ashamed, really.

I still haven’t seen Dollhouse. I know, not having cable is no excuse, neither is my mild aversion to the acting of Eliza Dushku. There is really nothing I can do to make it up to you.

Yet, that’s not why I am writing to you, but we will get to that in a moment.

First, I need to apologize for one more thing. Remember back in 2004, when you relaunched Astonishing X-Men for Marvel? That brilliant story arc where you resurrect Colossus, kill one X-Man (whose name I shouldn’t mention so I won’t spoil it for anyone else), and shoot another off into space with little hope of return? Well, I actually got to that party late too, and by late to the party, I mean I just read them last week.

Take some solace in the fact that no one has suffered from my neglect more than myself. I lived for six wasted, useless, futile years without reading your take on the X-Men… I was an idiot.

Yet now, oh Joss, now I have seen the light. It is so glorious! How is it possible to make the X-Men even better than they were before? By making them talk like fucking Joss Whedon characters, that’s how! Even with a fairly small cast of characters, you really turned out a shiny X-Men yarn. You let Wolvie be Wolvie, you offered the very best possible incarnation of Beast, you introduced some great new characters, and you never let us get comfortable, mostly by proving you were willing to kill off innocent kids and such.

Every last bit of it is solid gold!

However, I think your greatest achievement was what you did with Cyclops. How did you do it?

You turned the biggest pussy in the history of comic books into an honest to goodness super-hero. Most of the time, Cyclops is just a flat, boring, vanilla lump who works as a contrast to keep reminding everyone just how badass and unpredictable Wolverine is. And sure, that is how he started out with you, but by the end, Gorram. Joss, by the end he was a real character. He had depth, he was flesh and blood. I ached with him, I felt what it was like to wonder if you’re just a punch-line, to assume Xavier put you in charge of the X-Men because he felt sorry for you.

I believed it when it turned out none of that was true, when it was clear the Cyclops is exactly the sort of man who should be leading by order and example.

By the end of your arc there wasn’t anyone else I wanted leading the X-Men. I would follow your Cyclops into battle any day. Joss, that is nothing short of a miracle.

So, that is why I am writing you this letter. Please, please, please write some more X-Men titles. I promise, this time I wouldn’t be late to the party.

Of course, I am damned sure looking forward to the Shepherd Book comics, whenever they finally come out. But Joss, if you write some more X-Men titles, hell, any comic title for that matter, I will be in on it from day one. I don’t care if it is a fucking Wonder Man comic, I will be in a rutting tent outside Zanadu, here in Seattle, waiting to get my hands on a copy.

I know, there is no way I should be asking you for something, not after how I have failed you as a fan. Yet, I would be remiss if I didn’t try.

Please Joss, do it for the kids, so that they might grow up in a world filled with astonishing Whedon X-men goodness.

Thank you for your time.

With equal parts remorse and pleading,

Scott


 

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plants vs. zombies.

By • On • In gaming, nerd candy, scott • 2 min read

Like most awesome people, I’ve thought a lot about things that would come in handy during a zombie apocalypse. Little did I know that all this time, my plans have been way off base. While I was mentally listing things like bottled water and a deadly but easy to wield melee weapon, I have been totally unaware of how important plants are in staving off the undead legions.

Thankfully, those wonderful folks at Pop Cap have released a game to make clear that plants won’t just make Z-Day survivable, they’ll make it downright fun.

The title is as straightforward as they come, there is no wondering about what you are going to get out of a game called Plants vs. Zombies. Although, for those concerned about gore, you will find none, so play away!

I’m telling you, you should play this game. It is loads of fun. Insanely addictive.

Basically, you need to stop the zombies from making it across your lawn and into your house. You do this with a variety of plants. To grow new plants, you need to collect sunshine. Basically, it all comes down to creating an effective strategy with your with your army of greenery; some plants are purely defensive, some plants shoot spores of various kinds, and some plants give off extra sunshine to give you an added advantage, and that’s just to name a few.

As the game progresses, you need to fight various kinds of zombies as well, from zombies with traffic cones on their heads to zombies driving zambonies. There is even a Michael Jackson zombie.

The difficulty also progresses as you play in different sorts of environments, a backyard with a pool offers new challenges, especially when some zombies ride dolphins (that’s right, some of the zombies ride dolphins!).

That is only sampling of what this game has to offer, I have seen lots of variety and I’m only on level 4-6(ish).

If you have an iPhone or iPad, just go download the game from the app store immediately. It only costs $2.99, and it is worth every penny. If you don’t have either of the aforementioned devices you can play the game on your computer as well, but the price tag is a bit heftier, at $19.95. However, you can play the game for free for a bit on the website to see if you like it before you fork over the dough.

However, while I give the game a hearty seal of approval, to be fair I should make clear that there is a downside. That is, of course,  the lost relationships, jobs, etc. caused by the neglect stemming from you becoming addicted to fighting the good fight against those damned zombie bastards.

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y: the last man. [graphic content.]

By • On • In books, graphic content, nerd candy, scott • 3 min read

As a brief intro, this is first post in the ‘graphic content’ series. We’ll also post these with the book posts which still don’t have a title, as well as in the nerd candy category. ‘Graphic Content’ posts will all be about graphic novels/comic books.

In case you haven’t figured this out by now, I’m a huge nerd, and, like many other nerds, I love graphic novels and comic books. Feel free to judge me accordingly if you like, I’m used to it.

Anyway, on to the post.

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The Y chromosome has self-destructed. Every male mammal on the planet has dropped dead in horrible fashion, killed by what appears to be a mysterious virus. Every male embryo is dead, sperm banks are filled with lifeless sperm, there seems to be no present or future for men. Yet, every female on the planet who has survived the crashing planes and such has been left untouched. In some sort of macabre gender-rapture, mankind has become extinct. Extinct, that is, except for the last man on earth, Yorick Brown, and his male Capuchin monkey, Ampersand.

That is where the story begins in Y: The Last Man by Brian K. Vaughn and Pia Guerra. What follows in the graphic novels are the adventures of a lone man and his monkey in a world full of women. No, it’s not porn. It’s a post-apocalyptic rumination on what the world might look like in the wake of the death of men.

Yorick travels across the country and around the globe in search of his girlfriend Beth, some answers as to why all the men died while he and Ampersand survived, and hopefully a cure. His travel companions, aside from Ampersand of course, are Agent 355 of the Culper Ring, assigned to keep Yorick safe, and Dr. Allison Mann, a genius who specializes in genetics and hopes to find a way to save humanity.

I can’t go into much detail beyond that without ruining the story for those who decide to read it for themselves.

For the most part, the characters are flawed and likable individuals wrestling with the aforementioned catastrophe. Vaughn does a great job offering one imaginative possibility of what would happen if all the men died in a world which still slants heavily toward patriarchy. Again, I don’t want to go into much detail.

The story Vaughn and Guerra tell is engaging, and it continues to gain momentum throughout the ten volumes. The tenth and final volume is strong, unexpected and fitting, it also pissed me right the fuck off. Vaughn sticks with a semblance of realism, which sucks when you want the characters you have grown to love to have a happy ending. Instead, the ending is a mixed bag, like life. There are moments in the final volume that genuinely moved me, even though I did kind of want to punch Vaughn in his big fat face.

So, you have been warned, if you decide to read these and you want a nice, clean, Hollywood ending, stop reading after Vol. 9 and make up your own ending.

If you don’t read graphic novels often (or ever), try to get through the first four volumes before you make up your mind about the series. It can take time to adjust to the style of graphic novels in general, and this particular story takes some time to get up to full speed.

Y is a good introduction for those who want to dip their toes in the comic book medium outside of capes and tights. This is a fun post-apocalyptic story, and the fact that it is told with more than just words, but also with artwork, shouldn’t count against it.

As with any sci-fi/post-apocalypse lit, we get to play with several questions, so you might especially like Y: The Last Man if you feel you would enjoy story/conversation/dialogue around such questions as:

What if there was only one man alive, and that man were both an an amateur escape artist and a smart-ass, pop-culture quoting fanboy?

How would women organize the world without men?

What would hope look like after the apocalypse?

Also, Vaughn does a great job playing with the sexism and gender roles in our current culture through the story of what would happen if the world as we know it became purely past tense. Most obviously he does this with his primary characters.

Yorick is a sweet, sensitive, laid-back, non-violent type; Dr. Mann is an insensitive, fairly closed-off, outwardly angry person; and 355 is a strong, dangerous, well-trained killing machine, and also the story’s anchor of courage and goodness. None of the three fit the typical gender slots characters normally get slotted into.

I can’t really tell you anything else, otherwise I would spoil things for you, something I intend never to do. Suffice it to say, Y: The Last Man is worth a look. Check it out.


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world war z. [the as yet untitled book posts.]

By • On • In books, nerd candy, scott • 2 min read

I just finished World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War. It was hugely entertaining! Written by Max Brooks, son of legends Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft, the work is obviously modeled after Studs Terkel’s The Good War: An Oral History of World War II. The book is a series of “interviews” done by a UN researcher ten years after humanity’s victory in the Zombie War.

Clearly, there is a great risk that the book will be pure genre blood and gore with little or no compelling narrative, or it could become so tongue and cheek that it loses all meaning. Brooks manages to avoid both of those potential pitfalls, creating a really engaging read. It is in turns hilarious and moving and there is real humanity to be found within the gore.

Brooks did some amazing research, and thus his narrative is tight. WWZ works really well as an imaginative exercise in how actual global socioeconomic and political realities would shape a real zombie apocalypse. Brooks also does a great job keeping his zombies consistent. Often, a book like this can grow to have too many moving parts and the zombies would manifest whatever traits needed for the story at a given moment. This happens constantly in film, television and fiction. Brooks seemed to set a clear physiology of his zombies first, did loads of research about various nations, economies and governments of the world, and then imagined what would happen if Z-Day were to arrive.

Each of his interviewees, from scattered locales all over the world, told stories that felt like genuine fragments of the larger story he had created outside of our view. Brooks did the work so well that many reviewers have favorably compared it Orson Wells’ “War of the Worlds.” Much of what Brooks did worked as a skewering of bureaucracy, militarism and institutions, showing how each was practically organized to fail at any attempts to prevent letting the zombie outbreak turning into a worldwide apocalypse. The fact that he never left the ground level, always letting the characters truly tell their own stories, was what kept it from feeling like there was an agenda.

If I would make a critique it would be that there were times where characters seemed to lose an individual voice, instead sounding more like Brooks himself. This was especially true in that all of his true heroes shared his disregard for faith of any kind, something that would simply be impossible in the actual religious make-up of the world, thus it comes across as a short-sighted misunderstanding of the reality that not all people of faith are extremist Muslim terrorists and lunatic Pat Robertsons or Glenn Becks. Most likely, as it has been for every single calamity in world history, faith would be a part of the problem and a part of the solution in responding to WWZ. Yet, as I write that, understand that this is a tiny critique of a book which truly was a genuine pleasure to read.

The zombie genre can be quite a bit of fun, and this book would be a great introduction for those interested in entering the zombie milieu. It is a remarkably unique sub-genre in which we can explore our fears of the end of the world, can wrestle with the reality that when the world ends it will probably be humanity that pulls down our own curtain, and where we can engage in a hodgepodge of other fun little mental games. I could go on talking about how much I love the zombie genre for a while, so I will end that conversation here… for now.

This book is a fast, engaging read, and I recommend it to all you great folks out there in the internets.

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