Dammit Ben Affleck, what’s the deal?
Mike isn’t going to like this post, because it is a stream of consciousness rant made the night of the movie, but here it is all the same. Hey Mike, the note on the car at the end of the movie, it’s for you.
But, back to you Affleck. I want to hate you. You were a joke for so long. The list of your crimes is as long as Don Draper’s list of sexual partners. Surviving Christmas, Armageddon, Jersey Girl, dating J-Lo, and of course, the universally hated Gigli. That leaves out plenty of movies and doesn’t even get into all those insane rants about the Red Sox and the Yankees that are so absurd that even Boston homer Bill Simmons wants no association with you.
There was a poll on some movie website, I think it was Cinematical, two or three years ago asking which movie star I would force into retirement if I had the power to do so. I had to go with two, Paul Walker, and you. Matt Damon is practically canonized in my heart, but you… I wished you would just go away.
Then you make Gone Baby Gone, a bit overrated perhaps, but still a good film, and certainly an impressive directorial debut. That began my confusion.
Then came your performance in Extract, where do you get off getting me to like one of your characters again?!?
Now, I go see a movie you directed on opening night?!? You made me do this, Benjamin, and I hate you for it, because I respect you again for the first time since Good Will Hunting. WTF?
I’m living my life, happily thinking of you as a no talent ass-clown, and what do you do? You go and help write an adaptation superbly tight and well-written. You give an understated performance that succeeds in anchoring the film, offering continuity to the rest of the film’s brilliant performances. And let’s not forget that the quality of every performance in the film points to two things, 1. a great cast, and 2, great direction; direction so good in fact that I’ll be pissed off if you don’t get nominated for Best Director.
What an asshole! This whole situation is insanely fucking inconsiderate of you.
I might start feeling affection toward you again. The last time that happened was when I watched a kid from South Boston as he felt contented satisfaction when he found out his best friend had skipped town.
I hope you are proud of yourself Mr. Garner. You wormed your way from being the guy who made movies I loved to hate, to the guy who makes movies that I hate to love.
Dick.
