Page 1
Standard

what i want you to do, lebron.

Oh, Lebron. Lebron, Lebron, Lebron.

Has anyone ever fallen so far, so fast in the eyes of the public? For so long, you were the chosen one, the golden child, the anti-Kobe. We all loved you, except for Skip Bayless, but he’s a huge douche anyway. Yet, now, most view you with disdain.

It seems pretty obvious how it all happened. Yet, that hasn’t stopped people from making all sorts of absurd claims as to why the average basketball fan has done such an about face in response to you.

But Lebron, at the end of the day, the reason everyone turned on you so quickly is because you acted like a big asshole. There are no two ways about it.

It’s not racism, if you were white the tide would have turned just as quickly. It’s not taking money to sign in a big city, that sort of animosity only comes when someone signs with the Yankees. It’s not that you are favored to win, most of us still loved Jordan in spite of ourselves, even though we knew his Bulls were going to win year, after year, after year.

No, Lebron, the reason we want to see you lose now, or, to be more specific, the reason I want to see you lose now is because of the way you went about all the things you did, and the fact that in hindsight you are unwilling to truly apologize. Sure, you’ve said you would do things differently if you could do it again, or as you said in your commercial, you’ve made mistakes. So what? That’s just stating the blatantly obvious.

Don’t just tell us you would do things differently in regards to your ESPN Asshole Hour, where you basically threw it in the face of the people who have screamed themselves hoarse for you over the last few years.  Tell us exactly what you would do differently. Tell us that you understand, that you realize what you meant to the fans, and how much that must have hurt when you didn’t just leave them for another woman, but broke the news by broadcasting an engagement party on national television.

Don’t just tell us you made mistakes. Being vague and unapologetic just makes you more of a Roger Clemens, not less of one. Tell us what mistakes you’ve made, say you’re sorry, then hope everyone moves on with their lives.

I know, that’s too much to ask, so let’s just pretend I never asked you for it. Instead, how about this, just shut the fuck up and play basketball. This new commercial really chaps my ass every time it comes on television. Granted, it’s really well made, and shows just how great the folks who do advertising for Nike are. But you, my friend, have got to be kidding me!

All this new ad does is insinuate that everyone in Cleveland is being unreasonable for being angry. “C’mon guys, lighten up. Do you want me to be the bad guy all the time now? Do you want me to act sad? What do you want me to do?” ME, ME, ME, ME.

Well, Lebron, what if we ask the question back to you? What should the fans of Cleveland do? Should they get punched in the mouth, spit out the excess blood, smile adoringly at you, and say, “Thank you, King James, can I have another?”

You want it both ways. You want to be able to have all eyes on you, but you don’t want to be held responsible for your actions. It doesn’t work that way.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hold it against you for leaving Cleveland. I get that in real life, and outside a sports fan’s fantasies, the negotiating a player does is not between a player and the fans, it’s between a player and an organization. Fans are the unfortunate collateral damage whose hard earned money makes the whole thing possible. Johnny Damon wasn’t trying to flip off Red Sox fans when he left for New York, he was disrespected by the Sox front office and took his talents to the Bronx. The same can be said of Joe Torre in his departure for LA.

Sure, you weren’t ever disrespected by Cleveland, but I’d like to meet the fan, from Cleveland or otherwise, who would turn down the prospect of being paid loads of money to move to Miami and win championships with his best friends. You made a good choice, so own up to it, and either apologize, or at the very least simply acknowledge that the fans have the right to be upset with you, shut the fuck up, and play basketball.

And, whatever you do, for the love of all that is holy, stop playing the martyr in Nike commercials, like you didn’t bring down all the ill will on yourself. If you don’t want to accept your role as the villain, then do charity work in Cleveland, and invest heavily in causes there, and by all means, shut the fuck up and play basketball.

In summation, in answer to your self-obsessed question, I want you, Lebron James, to shut the fuck up and play basketball. Amen.

more
more
Standard

five things, 11.4.10.

Five non-Halloween related things I’ve been enjoying recently.

1. Dark City


This is a film I’d intended to see for some time. When detractors kept saying Inception was basically a remake of Dark City that pretended not to be, it moved higher up my queue. I wanted to see what the fuss was about.

This movie is pretty fantastic. A sci-fi noir story where a man wakes up in a strange city where it is always night and people are having memory issues. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that when he wakes up he’s in a hotel bathtub, there is a dead hooker in the other room, and he has no memory whatsoever.

The idea that Inception ripped this movie off is stupid. The similarities here aren’t any more pronounced than they would be if you compared any other films in the same genre or subgenre, to be honest there is probably even less. Yet, have a movie where reality isn’t exactly what it seems and memories are being stolen and you must be a straight copycat right? The Matrix is actually influenced by this film far, far more than Inception was. Also, David Goyer was one of the writers for Dark City and he is a friend and collaborator with Chris Nolan, so if he ripped it off completely I’m surprised Goyer never said anything. Although, their friendship is most probably responsible for the fact that they both write about similar themes.

The film does find a creative way to tell a noir story with totally different rules, much the way Inception did the same thing to create a completely different sort of heist film.

But anyway, Dark City really was quite good. As I said, lots of common themes and ideas with The Matrix, but much, much smarter. Also, the noir aspect of the whole thing was delightful. If you haven’t seen it, you should check it out. If you have, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

—————————————————————

2. Fable III

The first game from my ‘ten things’ video game post to be released, and I even got to pre-order it. Yay!

Nothing deep or profound, just a fun story played out through silly, enjoyable gameplay. Fun times.

————————————————————–

3. RED

I like good action movies, I just have a really small pool of action films that I actually consider ‘good.’ I’ll never even bother seeing films like The Expendables, or The Transporter: Parts 1-1,000, or anything that feels remotely like those films.

It’s sad that there are so few films from this genre that I like, because I have such a great time watching the ones that, to use a decidedly non-action phrase, tickle my fancy. What is a fancy anyway? Do I actually have a one?

Anyway, RED is definitely in the category of action films, or action comedies, that I really enjoyed. Great cast, fun uses of the genre standards, certainly nothing awe-inspiring, but for the genre, it’s smart, funny, and sharp. Plus, it has the wonderfully sexy Mary-Louise Parker.

If you’re looking for a fun way to spend two hours, you could do a whole lot worse.

—————————————————————

4. The Social Network

The Social Network is a brilliant film. The acting is impeccable, the direction is really tight all the way through, and screen-writing doesn’t get better than this. In the words of Josué Blanco, “God, I love Aaron Sorkin.”

—————————————————————

5. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

I should probably dedicate an entire ‘Graphic Content’ post to this once I’ve read the whole series, because this shit is for real.

The movie adaptation was a special kind of horrid in literally every way imaginable, and this is made all the worse now that I’ve read the first volume of the graphic novels. Alan Moore is a fucking genius. An homage/satire/commentary on Victorian literature and culture, Moore takes public domain literary figures and imagines a steam punk sort of alternate version of Victorian London in which Alan Quartermain, Captain Nemo, Mina Harker, The Invisible Man, and Dr. Jekyll are assembled to thwart a plan which threatens all of England. The literary references abound, I spent probably four times as much time on the internet looking up what all the more vague references meant than I spent simply reading the book. I mention that because it was really fun, not because I’m complaining.

I can’t wait to get my greedy little hands on volume two!

more
more
Standard

all the rest. [halloween moviefest, 2010.]

So, without going into great detail, because I don’t feel like writing about it, I got really sick and spent most of the last few days sleeping. I was able to get the movies in, but was unable to write about them. Thus, like last year’s post, the rest of the films I watched for HWMF ’10 will get a short treatment here.

Day Nine: Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)


The good: Francis Ford Coppola’s freaky side. Gary Oldman being awesome. Anthony Hopkins as the most awesomely hilarious Van Helsing ever.

The bad: Keanu Reeves being Keanu Reeves. Sometimes it was a little too far into the campy side for me. Also, I thought sticking so closely to the epistolary form of Stoker’s novel hurt the narrative flow. Oh yeah, and the success of this film at the box office is largely responsible for the production of Dracula – Dead and Loving It.

——————————————————————

Day Ten: Monster House

I queued this one from Netflix because of a pretty solid voice cast, the involvement of Dan Harmon (creator of Community), and a decent showing on Rotten Tomatoes. There were definitely a few moments where I laughed out loud, but that’s about all I have to say about this one. Underwhelmed.

————————————————————————–

Day Eleven: Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror (Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens)

The classic silent horror film which influenced everything to come after it. There isn’t much to say about it that hasn’t already been said.

From a movie-lover’s viewpoint, it’s impressive to watch this movie and see how it is still used by horror directors, and directors in general, as inspiration. Although, call me uncultured, but I do still have trouble getting into silent films. There are just so many huge leaps in translation of storytelling technique that I have trouble making. I get why the acting has to be so over-the-top and falsely emotive, I get why the text panels have to be up on the screen for an hour, I even get why the pacing feels confused and erratic by later standards in film. I get all those things, I just still have trouble getting by them and getting into the film and story itself.

Still, Count Orlak, the Dracula based villain, is pretty fucking creepy for 1922.

I won’t sit down and watch it for fun, but it’s not hard to see why this movie is a big deal.

—————————————————————–

Day Twelve: Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Nothing new here. We own this one, so I’ve seen it several times.

How do you not love this movie, or any Wallace and Gromit film for that matter?

Curse of the Were-Rabbit has everything: cheese, amazingly bad puns, hilarious sexual innuendo (mostly vegetable related) that stays vague enough that you won’t feel bad watching it with your kids, the cutest bunnies in movie history, Gromit, and the smarts to make fun of the metaphors normally played with in the werewolf sub-genre (that is, before Twilight went and spoiled everything for a few years).

If you haven’t seen this movie, I accept your apology, just try and have it watched before Thanksgiving and we’ll just pretend this never happened.

———————————————————————————-

Day Thirteen: The Fly (1986)

I threw this one in because it was one of those sci-fi horror classics I’d never seen because it came out when I was four years old. We’ve had some trouble in the mail-forwarding department, so several of the films I’d been sent from Netflix haven’t shown up yet. Thus, I fell back on the trusty instant queue. I sure am glad events transpired the way they did.

This movie was stupendous! Jeff Goldblum’s transformation into Brundlefly was hugely entertaining, albeit in the grossest possible way.

Cronenberg did such a great, uncompromising job of sticking to what the film was, a ‘scientist turned monster’ movie. They never wasted any time outside of their purpose, it stayed focused in a way films normally don’t. Also, I’m not really sure how the monster effects didn’t seem terribly outdated by today’s standards, but it was as creepy, gross, and disgusting today as I’m sure it was in 1986. More often than not, scenes that were a big deal in the 80’s make us laugh now. Yet, there were several scenes in The Fly that made me jump, or led to an audible “Bleh, that’s nasty!” on my part. That’s pretty freaking impressive.

Also, it’s the movie that gave us the line, “Be afraid, be very afraid.” That’s gotta count for something right?

Gooooo, team Cronenberg!

—————————————————————–

Day Fourteen: Shaun of the Dead

I watch this movie every Halloween, and usually once or twice between then as well. It’s one of my favorite movies ever, and seeing it theatrically back in ’04 was when I discovered and fell in love with Simon Pegg, which wound up paying tremendous dividends in terms of my continual entertainment. He’s like the Prime Minister of geeks (the loving awesome things sort, not the biting the heads off of birds sort).

Also, I soooooo want this.

——————————————————————-

Day Fifteen: Dead Snow

This one was on last year’s list, and I’ve already written about it in a number of places, including here. If you can stand the blood, you should watch this movie, it’s loads of fun.

So, there you have it. Another successful Halloween Moviefest in the books. I’m still looking for suggestions for 2011. What are your favorite related films?

more
Standard

recommendations.

So, I get excited about things way in advance, and I am already starting to think about Halloween Moviefest TwentyEleven. I was hoping everyone out there on the interweb might have some recommendations for Halloween appropriate films to watch next year.

I had a lot of fun with the 30 Westerns in 30 Days, so maybe I could even make next October an entire month of Halloween Moviefest.

Help me out, folks.

more
Standard

‘the devil's backbone,’ day eight. [halloween moviefest, 2010.]

I love Guillermo del Toro’s imagination! He has an amazing ability to use dark, scary, and even violent themes and stories to inspire hope and give glimpses of redemption in an ugly world. This is true not only in projects he wrote and directed himself, like Pan’s Labyrinth and The Devil’s Backbone, but also in projects by others which captured del Toro’s imagination so that he chose to produce and attach his name, like The Orphanage.

Movie number eight this year is the aforementioned film, The Devil’s Backbone. Our first and only ghost story this year. It takes place when a young boy is placed in an orphanage in late 1930’s Spain. As he tries to adjust to his new life by making friends, dealing with bullies, and looking for parental figures in his life, he also has to deal with the fact that not all of the other people at this particular orphanage are, technically speaking, alive.

The film is another example of Guillermo’s knack for brilliant, compelling, original storytelling. After watching the movie, it is clear to me that del Toro is quite taken with the concept of childlike innocence and imagination being the only salve, or perhaps just the only sane response, to the evil things that happen, and horrible people who live in the world. This is one of the most common themes that seem to pop up in del Toro’s work, most notably in the titles listed above. This theme is front and center in The Devil’s Backbone, as is the setting of the Spanish Civil War, which is also the setting of Pan’s Labyrinth. This setting makes clear the presence of huge, powerful events creating a storm in which children can do nothing but try to survive, without ever really understanding all the turmoil into which their world has been thrust.

The movie isn’t scary, but it is highly engaging, and I would recommend it to all of you out there in the internets.

more
Standard

‘pontypool,’ day seven. [halloween moviefest, 2010.]

Last year, when we started the very first Halloween Moviefest, I hoped I would discover some scary[ish] movies that I actually liked. What I didn’t realize was that I would actually discover some of my favorite overall movies ever. I probably can’t rightly say that my favorite film from last year’s HWMF was Let The Right One In because Pontypool was every bit as good.

I kid you not, this movie is really, really good. Adapted by Tony Burgess from his own book, this Canadian film takes place on a cold February morning in Pontypool, ON, CA. We begin with morning radio host Grant Mazzy, on the phone with his agent on his way to work. He has an odd encounter with a woman on this dark, snowy morning, framing everything that is to come next. The entirety of the rest of the film takes place in the small church basement from which the radio station broadcasts as the scene of a zombie apocalypse unfolds in Ontario.

Through the accounts of listener phone calls, some surprise guests, a police scanner, and Ken Loney in the “Sunshine Chopper”, the events taking place outside slowly take shape for Grant and his two colleagues.

The film is smart, understated, brilliantly acted (Stephen McHattie’s delivery of every, single line is perfect, he carries the entire film), and has a wildly original and brilliant cause for the zombie outbreak that I’ll let you discover for yourselves. Seriously though, discover for yourselves. Watch this movie!

more
more
Standard

‘dawn of the dead (1978),’ day six. [halloween moviefest, 2010.]

Zombies used to be related only to voodoo, they were dead bodies, resurrected by witch doctors and the like to be mindless slaves. George Romero changed all that, without a conscious choice of his, the flesh-eating corpses he dreamed up in Night of the Living Dead came to be called zombies, and the mythology of the zombie apocalypse was born. Certainly, it was born in Night of the Living Dead, but it was 1978’s Dawn of the Dead that really made the genre what it is.

The recipe? Obviously, you start with a base of an undead horde of resurrected corpses intent on consuming the flesh of the living. Then, add some over the top gore, although by 1978 standards that gore couldn’t be all that realistic for both logistic and ratings purposes. Once you’ve stirred that in well, throw in a group of survivors working together for the purposes of surviving the apocalypse. Third, and this is the most important ingredient of all, you need to layer those ingredients with healthy amounts of subtext featuring commentary about the parts of our culture which make us real life zombies.

That’s the general formula, and it found its true birth in Dawn of the Dead. The zombie as we know it came into existence in Night of the Living Dead, there may have been a few poor attempts to recreate that during the early seventies, but Dawn of the Dead is the movie folks have been recreating in various forms and mediums ever since.

It’s certainly not a perfect movie, but it sure is a damned important one for the trajectory of what came after. The fact that without belaboring the point in the film, zombies are hording to the mall because their commercial worship in life formed such a neural connection that their instinct driven, undead brains continue to sense the significance of the place after death. It’s that sort of quiet, understated critique of ourselves that separates the wheat from the chaff in zombie-lore. This movie got the ball rolling in understanding the potential of the zombie genre to give us a way to play with the ways we destroy us.

There have been improvements and alterations, missteps and revolutions in the genre, but when you’re talking about zombies, it all comes back to this folks… it all comes back to this.

more