I didn’t expect it a few years ago when I started, but running has become a centralizing metaphor for my entire life. At this point I only run three times a week, and I have had huge spans since I started where I stopped running altogether. Still, when I am getting runs in I have a mental language to help me organize and motivate in all the other areas of my life.
I started running because I was getting really fat and unhealthy. I don’t want to die in my 50’s of a heart attack like my grandfather did, but I knew the chances that I was going to permanently curtail myself from eating the foods I love were hovering right around zero. Running seemed like a way I could only moderately change my diet and yet still get healthier, lose weight, and feel better.
What happened was that I found much more than just weight loss and more energy.
Running taught me that the only bad run is the one I don’t do. I can go out a few times in a row and have the shittiest runs ever, runs that feel terrible, that are slow and discouraging, and then I go out there again and have my best run ever. Those terrible runs were working toward the great one. The only thing that is genuinely bad for me is when I make excuses and skip my runs altogether. Doing the work: the dull, grinding work of shitty runs, is what gets results that make me feel proud of my effort and then spurs me on to keep going.
As someone who struggles with cripplingly severe insomnia and pretty serious depression and anxiety issues, everything can feel difficult sometimes. Leaving the house, cleaning, taking the garbage out: the smallest things can feel overwhelming. I often have a useless form of perfectionism coupled with pride, which instead of inspiring me to work harder and strive to do better, just keeps me from doing work until I know all variables are stacked in my favor… so almost never. The mentality in running, where I just do the runs no matter what and take pride in getting my ass out when I’d rather put it off a day, bleeds over into those difficult places. Force myself to do the stuff that feels overwhelming, and sometimes it gets a little easier. Force myself to write every day no matter what, and know that the lousy times where my writing is awful and I can’t get anything worthwhile down is part of the muscle and stamina building that makes the good writing possible.
Running is what reminds that I just need to put one foot in front of the other, one run at a time, and progress and growth takes care of itself.
