teenage non-mutant ninja turtles.

It’s been a few days and I still haven’t written about how evil Michael Bay is. Rebooting TMNT and making them come from space as an alien race? Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles?!? WTF?!?!?!?!?! Then he writes a response to the criticism saying we all just need to calm down because we haven’t read the script yet? We don’t have to read the script to know you’re breaking this. They’re mutant ninja turtles. You can’t drop the mutant backstory from the most beloved part of our childhood and expect us to just be calm and wait for the script. Especially with you involved, Mr. Bay. There are loads of directors whom I would consider listening to when they told me to relax, but you? Really? Michael ‘I’m going to blow as much shit up as possible in slow motion and pretend that somehow constitutes a story’ Bay has the audacity to tell us to wait for the script? Was there even a script written for the last two Transformer movies? I’m pretty sure you just threw darts to decide what you were going to blow up and then handed off the results to a special effects company.

We were all terrified when you touched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to begin with, you don’t get to tell us to relax.

Hey guys, I’m going to write a reboot of Fat Albert, but I’m going to make him white, skinny, and name him Jimmy. Then I’m going to write a reboot of Three’s Company, but I’m going to drop the zany sexual tension and replace the two girls and a guy formula by making the series about three dogs who live together. Also, I’m rewriting M.A.S.H. to take place in a Beverly Hills clothing store.