i’m glad i can’t quit you.

2014 hasn’t been a great year for Roused to Mediocrity. I couldn’t honestly say it’s been a particularly great year for me either.

Part of the reason for the lull here at RtM is that I’ve been doing far less this year in terms of culture consumption, and without much to show for it on the other side. Books are the only form of culture and story I’ve engaged as usual, but movies and music and whatnot have been way, way down. I feel the absence quite a bit.

I didn’t know this until I spent most of this year ignoring this blog, but I’m a better reader when I’m writing for Roused consistently. And by ‘better reader’ I mean I see the things I enjoy more clearly. I’m better at noticing things that are beautiful and true when I am regularly writing about shit here. It keeps some part of my brain sharp when I’m always wondering how I can frame ideas in a short blog post that might get someone interested in something I think is worthwhile. The part of my brain that functions better when I’m writing here is one of my favorite parts, and in a brain as dysfunctional as mine, that means something.

As I wrote above, this hasn’t been a great year for me. I feel beset by failure and futility on all sides. I’m stuck, thwarted. Every part of my life is in grind mode all at once, and I have to keep pouring energy into things with nothing to show for it. But Emily reminded me tonight how much I’ve loved writing words out into oblivion here on RtM. It can be another source of discouragement, sure, but it also helps my mind function better.

My first attempt at blogging in earnest was at the now defunct VOX sometime in the mid 2000’s, and with a few pitstops in between I eventually ended up at Roused to Mediocrity. I quit and come back time and again, which is embarrassing, and I have no reason to think that won’t continue. Still, nearly ten years of quitting and returning means something. I’m not sure exactly what it is I’m afraid of or hoping for, but I do know that (this sentence feels insane to type) this blog makes me a better version of myself.

Here’s to more Roused to Mediocrity, and a better 2015!